and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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