I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i came on her dog
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
