is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
