gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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