It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
