There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
