Where are you?
In a non slutty way
one might say we're banned from that church
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
