Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
