I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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