You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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