I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
