i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
