there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
