Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
