so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
