Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
