Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
