we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
