You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
