Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
