we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
