I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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