Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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