I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
