I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
