I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
