One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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