the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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