Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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