Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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