Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
