feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
