i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Can Purell be used as lube?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
