hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Shame - the story of my life.
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