I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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