She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
