four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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