Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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