Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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