His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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