Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
