come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
