he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
