I can tuck mytits in my pants
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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