So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
