It's Friday. Sex?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
