If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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