Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
