He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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