Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
