I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
