I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
